Adopting a country

This August, it will be 20 years since I landed here in US. Time indeed flies, I don’t feel like I have lived 20 years of my life in a strange country but apparently I have. Guess theory of relativity is indeed true.

When I landed in US in 2006, I already broke a lot of norms for an Indian girl.

I was beyond the normal age of when most girls would be married - I was 25 and most of my friends were already married and had kids. While I was not yet an ‘old maid’, I was very aware of my mom starting to get worried.

I was flying on-site as a single girl. Another norm. Yes, I knew of a few other ‘good’ girls who had come onsite before getting married, we were breaking taboos together maybe? But I did know that these girls had relatives already in US who would ‘keep an eye out for them in a strange country’. I did not have such a support system. I flew in without even knowing the people who would be picking me up in the airport - they worked for the same company (Infosys), so I kinda felt safe I guess.

While I initially was supposed to stay for a 6-month stint, the project kept getting extended. My client-facing colleagues liked working with me, and I liked the independence that came with living life on my own terms. I lasted 4 years on that project and with the client.

After 4 years, I again did the unthinkable. I decided that I wanted to adopt US as my country and wanted to live here long-term. When my company did not want to file for my green card, I decided to quit and find an employer who would. It turned into an adventure of moving to Colorado, and then Kansas. Just as I had almost convinced my mom that I would not be marrying, I found someone to do just that. Then followed another adventure of moving to DC and then Oregon. Living in the country on a farm, getting a dog and 3 cats, getting my US citizenship, one divorce and buying a house by myself later, life feels fulfilled.

I did not feel that I was breaking norms and societal expectations during all this time, but for anyone outside looking into my life, that is pretty much what it looks like. While I am unhappy about a lot of my compromises, I do accept that the big picture is that I have lived life on my terms. I have made a lot of high stakes bets, most of which have worked, some have not. I don’t believe in life having meaning or the purpose of life or a lot of life’s philosophical stands. The only one I have agreed with is ‘life is what you make of it’, and I know I have made a life for myself in my adopted country